A Man's Man !

I have come out to my family and friends. I tell them that it’s ok to tell anyone they want, it’s not a secret identity, I’m not a superhero!

One thing I really enjoy is hearing the story of them telling their family or friends. I am interested in the opinions of people without my presence to alter their response.

A common reply is ‘ You would not think that of him, he was such a ‘Man’s man’. These statements are usually based on shared experiences like backpacking or Mountain biking. Both activities that are perceived as manly, but are just as likely to have female participants as not.

This makes me reflect on how I behaved in the past. I expressed myself in as manly a manor as possible. I kept a beard or go-tee for most of my adult life, and although I never admitted it, it was my way of keeping me from expressing my feminine side. All part of the mask that I wore every day.

A little bit of self reflection always leads me to comparing what I have learned about myself to the rest of the world. I started looking at some of my trans friends, specifically the ones that are ‘Part time’, still in hiding from their work, friends, family and sometimes even their wives. When they are not expressing themselves as feminine, they exhibit that same ‘Man’s Man’ kind of attitude. Not the over the top attitude of a typical bully to frat house jerk, just an expression that they are a MAN, with no hint of femininity.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I know I did this as a way of keeping myself in check. A way to make it more difficult to express who I was inside. 

In the end, all I did was bottle up my feelings until they reached a breaking point where they could no longer be ignored.

Petition!

Target stores did a brave and wonderful thing by publicly declaring their support for non-discrimination. 

So of course the fear mongers have organized a boycott. They would not want to shop with people that don't fear the world as they do.

So today I ask you to sign my petition showing support for Target. We need to show an overwhelming number of supporters. This will go a long way to make the haters understand just what a minority the are.

Please Sign Here

Let the bathroom wars begin!

By now virtually every US citizen has heard of a ‘Bathroom Bill’, these nocuous, transphobic, fantasies of religious zealots. GOP politicians in control of the legislative branch of many states are pushing the idea as a “protection” law for women and children.

These politicians have not thought this one through. They were complete taken by surprise at the response from Industry leaders,TV & movie production companies, Actors, Authors, and Musicians who have applied economic punishment.

 That’s good, but it’s going to take one more thing.

 The state legislators are hunkering down and waiting for the issue to go away. And this will work… as long as they keep the public scared. Scared of men in dresses - also known as perverts and rapists.

 Their mistake is not accounting for transmen, which they treat tike unicorns, mythical creatures that you never encounter.

 They sold their supporters on an image of a scary, unfeminine man in a bad dress with even worst makeup, intent on molesting anything it can find in the bathroom.

 So what happens when women see transmen in the bathroom? How about guys lined up at the urinals when a blonde bombshell sashays by?  The women scream, the men probably pee all over each other.

 We want this to happen, it’s a good thing for us. Don't resist the ban, embrace it, and quickly before that image is burned into the public psyche. We all need to find as many reasons to go into our birth gender restrooms as possible.

 Not only will this show them who we really are, but it will turn them against the bills proponents. Women and Transmen don’t want to share the same bathroom.

  The public needs to see the farce in these laws. States with upcoming legislation can benefit by an educated public. People can easily be blinded by fear, but once they understand the truth, fear no longer controls them.

  The best way we can fight this is from inside the battlefield.

America speaks

North Carolina governor signed a discrimination legalization bill, effectively overturning the City of Charlotte's recent anti discrimination ordinance. It prevents any city within the state to pass any law preventing discrimination of LGBT people.

Georgia has prepared and is awaiting it's governors signature on a similar bill. It goes so far as to promote defiance of the Supreme Court ruling on same so marriage.

Many other states have these types of vile, ignorant knee-jerk reaction bills.

I find this appalling, but what really strikes me is the overwhelming reaction of corporations and the public at large.

Hollywood has whole heartedly made it clear that it in no way will put up with nonsense. North Carolina and Georgia have benefitted from an sharp uptake of TV and Movie production. Hollywood has stated this will end abruptly if these discrimination bills stand.

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/actors-film-studios-create-georgia-boycott-over-anti-lgbt-law-20160324 , http://time.com/4271861/north-carolina-anti-discrimination-backlash/

IBM, PayPal, American Airlines, Google, Apple and many others have all expressed dismay at the blatant anti-social nature of these bills. While no threats as definitive as Hollywood, the corporations message hints at major financial repercussions.

The NCAA has threatened to pull planned tournaments from the state.

We are seeing the efforts of a small group of scared, ignorant law makers, intent on preventing change. But they do not represent the will of the people, and that makes me swell with pride!

Communication

I have left the political soapbox behind today and return to my personal ramblings.
Of late I've been revealing that I'm trans to just about everybody. Every encounter is different, but have all been positive.
There was one friend both my wife and I were apprehensive of. An older gentleman, divorced, who lives alone. I've known him for over a decade and we get along great. In spite of the fact he might be considered a curmudgeon.
 I came out to him recently and he seemed to ponder it for quite some time, but never had a harsh word. Quite the opposite he was very gracious.
 The next day I saw him with a serious look on his face, so I wondered if sleeping on it changed his mind. Unexpectedly he said "You shared a secret with me, so now it's my turn to share with you. Here is something that nobody in this town knows...".
 I'm sworn to secrecy so I can't elaborate on what he disclosed, but it was personal, legal and neither common nor unusual. I was humbled that he chose to let me in on his secret.
 It dawns on me that we have just expanded our communication capabilities. There are now two worlds of discussions we can have that were not possible before. I can talk of transgender issues, he can tell me of his secret world.
 Before the LGBT revolution, I'm sure that millions of people had to stifle their thoughts and feelings for fear of outing themselves. Now they can freely speak to anyone about their lives. Now it's the transgender community sharing our secret with the world.
 What starts as a minority pushing for rights has the side benefit of making human interaction more complete and precise.  

What happened to us?

- Sometimes I feel the need to speak about issues that are not transgender related, and today is one. -

When one group of people wants to takes over or destroy another, the usual way is through violence. If one of those groups is an entire society, the method is war.

You choose to fight a war to take over/destroy your enemy. Unless you know you can’t win, then you have to try other means.

Al Qaeda, ISIS, The Taliban and others I’m sure, want to wage war on the western world. They want us to die because we don’t believe in their extreme version of religion*, one that has no room for anything or anybody else on earth.

 Some also want reprisal for perceived digressions the West has hefted on their world over the past centuries, some just want our stuff.

 But they know they don’t have the strength to take on even the smallest western government in a direct war. 

If you can’t win directly against an emery, you have to make the enemy destroy itself. This is where terrorism comes in. You do things to make your enemy panic and do stupid things.

 The things they do have zero strategic value. No amount of market bombings, Mall shootings or even destruction of big buildings will ever help them gain one inch of ground on taking over the countries they attack. Killing 3000 people is terrible, but a drop in the bucket vs the 450,000 active servicemen in the US military alone.

They do it to make is scared.

  And it's working. The American people have become so afraid that we will do anything to feel ‘safe’ again. Even though our odds of being in a terror attack are a fraction of dying in our own bathrooms.

 They have made us so stupid that we take weapons to the movies for ‘Protection’ and shoot innocent moviegoers by accident. (http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/crime/suspect-in-renton-theater-shooting-says-he-feared-random-attacks/).

We are becoming violent against our fellow citizens because of their religon. Something that drove people form their homelands and created our country in the first place. (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/hate-attacks-muslims-u-s-spike-after-recent-acts-terrorism-n482456)

 We won WWII by breaking the secret Enigma code used by the Natzi's for secure communication. We heard everything they said about troop movement, attacks and supplies. Now the Governments wants to break our secure communications by forcing Apple to break the iPhone. Who among you think the terrorists did not think about this when they used an iPhone in their California attack? 

 They can’t break the encryption, so get their enemy to break it for them.

We are facing an election year, and instead of focusing on issues of human rights, non-discrimination and economic well being, we are thinking like chickens with our heads cut off. We favor a man who is an open racist, bully and con-man. A man who touts his business ability when virtually every business he attempts fails. ( Trump Airline, Trump Travel, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, Trump Steaks, sold only at Sharper Image! ). His claim to fame is real estate and he does not even build or finance the buildings, he merely ‘Licenses’ his name to real developers. (http://www.businessinsider.com/trump-businesses-that-no-longer-exist-2014-10?op=1). 

Why? Because he says all the things that make a scared population feel safe. Says he will ban all Muslins, even though 99.9% have nothing to do with terrorism. He says he will build a giant wall on our border, and make someone else pay for it! 

 We are so scared that all our normal bullshit detectors have shut down.

 This is not a blog against Trump, if you want him, elect him, that is what democracy is about. But just think about the real reason you are doing so, and who made you feel that way. 

*These people do not represent Islam anymore than Jim Jones represented Christianity

My secret identity was blown...

I have been acquainting everyone in my life with the new improved me. Having recently added a boss, cleaning lady, and my dental hygienist. 

 This week brings me to Hot Springs Arkansas where my wife and I have rental property and a small garage apartment we keep for our own use. Over the last 10 or so years we have made some good friends here.

 It was time to bring this part of my life up to speed, so we asked a few friends to dinner. When it came time to drop the bomb, I brought out my phone displaying a picture of me as Jess. The friend beside me saw the pic first, placed her hand over my phone, quietly saying to me 'what are you doing?' with a look of understanding on her face. 

 It took a second for it to sink in, but I realized she already knew and was concerned that I was about to out myself by mistake! It was my turn to be surprised. I had been worried that the news would come as a shock, instead I found I already had an ally seated next to me and did not know it. 

 Breaking the news to the others went smoothly and as usual, everyone was amazingly supportive. 

I know the odds are that I will find someone that can't come to terms with who I am, but so far they have eluded me!

Give it some time

 Being Trans It's easy to get wrapped up entirely in yourself. I spent untold hours studying hair, makeup, clothes and shapeware. When I came out to my kids, my daughter spent hours teaching me how to walk, sit, stand, and in general how to behave like a lady.

 All so the world would perceive me the way I perceived myself. I was completely focused on what people thought of me. 

I’m married, to an incredible woman, who gives me her unconditional support. Dressing at home was never a problem. She encouraged it and was genuinely excited for me.

 But when I left the house with her, she had to consider how people perceived her. My change caused a big change in her life as well.

 At first she was very uncomfortable, not prepared for the public perception of her.  She was a woman who has been married, to a man, for 35 years. She liked that perception and was not happy with being perceived as having a girlfriend. 

 So we pretended just to be ‘good friend. Never holding hands, never showing affection public.  Sometimes I would put physical distance between us so people would not know that we were together.

 That was a while ago, and things have changed. I noticed a few weeks ago, shopping for groceries together that she was not distant. She was happy, laughing and joking with me. She stood close, touched my arm and would lean in to speak in my ear.

 The real kicker came one weekend recently. We had gone out for dinner and afterwards went to a club to listened to a Jazz band.  We were publicly very affectionate. Sitting very close, talking close and touching each other. Eventually she leaned in and kissed me very passionately. 

 Later she would tell me ‘ I just don’t care what people think about us!’

It took time for her to adjust, to become comfortable with this new life I had shoved upon her. 

 But she has, and I couldn't be happier!