The World shifted this week, just a little..

The big news from last Friday, in case you have been living under a rock, was the Bruce Jenner interview on ABC. I'm sure everyone that reads this blog is already up to speed on it's content, so I won't delve into it.

For months the internet and tabloids have been speculating and producing articles about Bruce Jenner. I had a nice conversation yesterday with my sidekick during our weekly coffee. She thought it could be a bad thing, that there were so many negative opinions being written about in magazines, tweets, blogs etc. that it would set us back. She said this was not necessarily what would happen, just that it was one possibility.

I think that a point here is being missed by most. There has been plenty of transgender exposure lately, and it's certainly the media darling of the moment. The difference is that this was on broadcast, over-the-air television. It was on ABC, not lifetime, AMC, FX or some obscure channel. This was a major network, on Friday night prime time. 

This is where heartland America lives, this is what and when, the majority of the US watches TV. Millions of people just got exposure for the first time in their lives to the reality of transgenderism. From a knowledgable source, not from the uninformed.

 Bruce gave an excellent, calm and concise explanation of the subject. He stayed consistant with multiple attempts to relate gender orientation with sexual orientation. And he did so in a professional manor, in good spirits and portrayed a position of authority. This is exactly the representation that we needed and have been lacking.

I have a friend, a non-trans woman my age, who has known and experienced my feminine persona several times. While she has always been pleasant and accommodating, she has never understood my motivation. After watching the interview, she 'gets it', and is excited about it. Prior to this, I was just a strange exception to the reality of gender in her perspective, I was an Island. She knew that there were other islands, but counted us as an anomaly. Now it's been on ABC, Diane Sawyer talked about it to an Olympic Gold medalist and there is a Kardashian connection. Now it's real. Suddenly we are part of society proper and this opinion is being reflected across the United States.

So the world shifted it's perspective this week.....a little, but it's the biggest shift we have ever seen. Let's try to make the best of it.

Pavlov's dog

Going out in public is one of the hardest obstacles for transgenders to overcome. Many will find a local group and attend events en mass. These events are usually in LGBT friendly areas, and provide a sense of security and of being out in the real world.

But when you get down to it, it's really not, the general public rarely inhabit these areas. At some point you will either resolve yourself to this life in the security blanket, or make the plunge into the real, everyday mundane world of the general public. 

From time to time, I have large amounts of outside work to do that involves a truck, some tractors etc. I always wear overalls for this, I like to match apparel to the task. My dog loves to be involved with this outside work, loves riding in the truck etc. So for several years now, whenever I put on my overalls, she becomes very excited. She has associated the overalls with a fun day.

There is a restaurant in my local town where we like to dine. I decided that it was time to be myself and went as Jess. The first time they seated us with curtesy, but I did get some looks of uncertainty from our waitress. She was pleasant, and polite, and somewhere during the meal I made a small joke that she found funny. The uncertainty seemed to disappear. We tipped well and that was that. A week later I returned, this time I was greeted with a smile and seated. The third time, I brought my sidekick along, and was greeted with a 'you look very pretty tonight', and we were all treated like gold. 

My point here is that humans can sometimes be trained just like my dog. She(my dog) came to associate my overalls with fun. The restaurant staff came to associate my attire with pleasantries and nice tips.

If you ease into life, and show everyone that you are not something strange and unpleasant, they will become acclimated to you. And by way of association, all of us.   

Who's story is it anyway?

 I started watching the Discovery Life series ‘New girls on the block’, an unscripted show about the lives of 6 transgender women. I’ve seen shows like this before, AOL had ‘True Trans’ last fall, about Laura Jane Grace, formally Tom Gabel, lead singer of the band ‘Against Me!’ BBC had a series titled ‘My transexual Summer’, where they brought 7 transgenders to a resort each weekend for  3 months.
This Friday Bruce Jenner is expected to revel the long speculated news that he is transgender.

All this press should be viewed as good for the cause of enlightening the general public about transgender people. But I’m dubious about the results and here is why.

The producers seem to focus only on the pain, anxiety, and depression of growing up trans. There are endless discussions of how terrible it is to be trans, talks always run to suicide. Close ups of teary eyed individuals are common. And the implication that once transitioned, sexual orientation must follow. Shots of trans girls ogling guys at bars, deep discussions of their new boyfriend are also a staple of most of these shows. There are trans women, but rarely is a trans man anywhere in the picture. And the trans women can and will be happy only after SRS (sexual reassignment surgery).

This is the product of the producers preconceived ideas about what trans is. They come to the table with an idea of how things need to go, then find the subjects to fit their story. These are not the stories being told by the subjects, rather the subjects are there just to support the producers idea.

One Big exception is the BBC show ‘My transexual summer’ which featured 4 trans women and 3 trans men. Donna, one of the featured trans women, was very proud of the fact that she was still into women, and happy to keep her original plumbing. She was upbeat and positive, a departure from what we normally see. This show was also the only one I have seen that included trans men, all the others would lead you to believe that it was a strictly Male to Female issue.  

 Will Friday's Bruce Jenner interview repair the damage from all the media speculation? He has been the subject of so much media attention. As of today (4/20/2015), he has not made any statement, transgender or not, but there have been dozens of 'Bruce Jenner transgender' headlines, leading us to believe it's a confirmed fact. He may very well make that statement this Friday, but until he does, it's his right alone to say. I know he is a public figure in the headlights of the media, more because of his connection to the Kardashians than his Olympic achievements, but really media, poorly pasting his head on a womans body and photoshopping on makeup? You should be ashamed.

My big problem with these shows is that they appear to confirm the stereotype of transgender as fact, and they are doing it on national television. The general public reacts poorly to us mainly because they know nothing about us, and nothing breeds fear like the unknown. 
What will the public think after watching all this narrow focused coverage? 
That all trans have led a miserable life?
That all trans are men desperate to become women so they can have sex with men?
That people born female are immune to this problem?

This is not the only version of who or what we are. I am not alone in having a happy life, all my life, trans or not. I view it as  gift, not a curse. I have no attraction to men, never hated my naughty bits and would never change them. We are of many diverse variations and no one version is the 'right' one.

The media is having a field day with transgender awareness, but I don't fit their definition, and I know that many of you don't either. 

We're going to make it after all..

My recent dive into media coverage for the last blog brought to my attention an interesting phenomena. Stories about younger people and their acceptance of transgender are not just on the rise, but are rising at a rapid pace.

When I was young, decades ago, even the slightest hint of femininity in a boy caused massive schoolyard teasing, bullying and often ostracization. It was not quite so bad for girls, who could play the ’Tomboy’ card, but by middle school (then called ‘Jr. High’), that card would not fly and the insults flew.

Kids were cruel, and unforgiving of anything that did not match their predefined classifications of the world around them. Maybe this was because we were all just coming out of the horrible racism of the decades before. My first grade class was the first desegregated class in the history of my town. Or maybe it was just because our parents saw the world, specifically gender, as completely black & white. We were taught you were a boy or a girl, there were no words for anything else.

 But things have changed, radically, in the 21st century. A few examples:

The Kids Are All Right With Transgender Rights

Number of under 10s referred to the NHS for help with transgender feelings has more than quadrupled – with kids as young as 3 receiving treatment.

I have kids, in their 20’s now, and they were immediately OK when I came out to them, actually more enthusiastic than just OK. Their friends are right there with them, most are openly supportive.

One daughter makes it a regular habit of telling her friends and co-workers that her dad is trans. She loves to drop in the fact with an impish smile, just waiting to see their reaction. The older co-workers are astonished, some speculating that parents must surely be divorced, to which she replies ’No, they have been married for 35 years.’

The other daughter has made transgender the subject of college projects to great success, earning her a scholarship.

Youtube is full of videos by teenagers documenting their journey, and a Florida girl, Jazz Jenkins, has become a media star in her own right. I mentioned that she will be the subject of an upcoming TV show and has written a children’s book. She was offered and accepted an endorsement deal with a skin care company.

There are of course some stories without a happy ending, two recent suicides were tragic and heart breaking. 

The point of this rambling is that overall we have a bright future as the generations that are coming up have shed most of their prejudices. As we move forward, our place in society will become more commonplace, and that is a good thing.  

No one knows we exist

"(The transgender) are not adequately represented in politics, government, or media."

This was a point made in a comment to one of my first blogs.  '... not adequately represented in ... Politics... Media'.

This struck me as odd, as it seems to me that transgender is all over the media lately, President Obama actually mentioned the T word in his last State of the Union speech, and legislators at all levels have been having hot debates over our right to use the bathroom.

There are already two award winning TV shows that feature a transgender cast member (Orange is the new black) or about the life and transition of a Parent (Transparent). Laverne Cox, from Orange is the new Black, appeared on the cover of Time Magazine and has become the 'face of transgender in america' according to the magazine. Jeffrey Tambor, from Transparent, won the Golden Globe best actor award for his portrayal of a transgender father coming out late in life. Making him the first TV actor to win for a transgender role.

Last week 'New Girls on the Block' premiered on Discovery life, a reality show following the lives of six transgender women. Fuse has ordered episodes of a documentary series, Transcendent,  which will follow the lives of a group of transgender cabaret performers.  And TLC has a new show , All that Jazz, this summer about Jazz Jennings, a transgender teen, who wrote a children's book, 'I am Jazz', and has made commercial endorsements for skincare products.

The Canadian show 'The switch' has said that they will add 6 recurring characters that will not only be transgender in the plot, but will be played by actual transgender actors. 'Bold and the Beautiful', a daytime soap opera, reveled a leading character as transgender.

In a recent episode of Ellen, the host gave a lesson in transgender awareness. Mod cloth has hired their first transgender model, and the high fashion industry has already embraced several transgender super models. Celebrities from Elton John to Hilary Swank have recently spoken up for transgender rights.

Mens Health magazine is currently pondering if it should go with Aydian Dowling, a transgender man, for the cover shoot of the 'Ultimate Guy Search' issue. They have receved over 23,000 votes in his favor, putting him at the top of the leader board. 

It's the subject du jour these days, and the video game industry is not missing out as Bioware's fourth installment of 'Mass Effect' which will feature a transgender character.

On the political side,  the US Department of Justice, in regards to a Georgia state prison inmate, has stated that "failure to provide adequate treatment for transgender inmates is unconstitutional".

President Obama has condemned the practice of 'conversion therapy', programs that attempt to 'fix' both gay and transgender individuals. California and New Jersey have banned the practices. 

The White house has added gender neutral bathrooms.

Rep. David Cicilline, D-R.I., and Sen. Jeff Merkley, D-OR, recently announced that they expect to introduce “comprehensive” legislation in both chambers of Congress aimed at protecting individuals from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Even the normally conservative state of Texas has seen several of it's major cities, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Ft Worth, El Paso, San Antonio, Plano, enact LGBT anti-discrimination laws. 

But it's not all good attention, the 'Bathroom' issue has sprung up across the US and Canada, with lawmakers introducing bills banning transgender from the 'wrong' bathroom. Serval states have introduced 'Religious freedom restoration' laws, essentially giving legal backing to discrimination in the name of God. Unexpectedly, these actions have been met with swift and determined ressistance. Indiana's governer was hit so hard with public outcry, and more importantly, the economic impact, as Salesforce made plans to pull employees from the state, that he quickly made promises to 'Fix' the issue. Arkansas, also with a similar bill, put it on the back burner until things shake out.

Texas state lawmakers, incensed that some of it's cities dare to pass laws they don't like, introduced three different bills that are designed specifically to help people discriminate against LGBT people. Their legislation is designed to nullify the many laws that already exist across the state.

Texas is also weighing is own 'Bathroom protection' bill, but as of yesterday, it too is delayed. -"A top House Republican delayed a hearing on controversial legislation Wednesday that would limit transgender students’ use of school bathrooms and locker rooms, saying the author needed to soften its language."

On the 'Conversion Therapy issue, Oklahoma, and other conservative states, are considering legislation to protect the therapies from legal challenges.

This list goes on and on, the point being that the Transgender have never had so much time in the spotlight. Until now the only inkling that the general public had of us was as either the brunt of some poor slapstick comedy, or as a drug abusing pervert in the back alley of some grimy crime show.

So rejoice all, we the transgendered people of the world have finally gotten our place in the media.

This just in...."Asexuality and Intersex Conditions Are Television’s New Frontier" 

Oh well our 15 minutes is over, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted.

What was I thinking?

Like most of us, my introduction to transgender began with my earliest memories. Unlike most of you, that was a very long time ago. Things were different, really different, to be honest, Don  Draper could have been my father. I remember being shooed outside so the adults could play bridge, "Jess, go outside and take the rest of the kids with you. Bring your BB gun, y'all can play with that".  They did not call me Jess, but they did say 'yall' and the BB gun thing is true.

So my understanding of transgender began at a time when no one used the term, or understood the idea. Around 1967 or so, there was a Time magazine article about sex change, complete with pictures of pretty girls who had been men. I was fascinated. I remember my mother saying 'they had to go to Sweden, doctors here would not do such a thing.'  And  'Look at it's upper arm, it's too big, you can always tell' . Yes she used the pronoun 'it's'.

The knowledge that there was information tucked away in books and magazines lead me to seek them out. In the past, it was far from as convenient as it is now. Google never stares down at you when you type in a search phrase as did the librarian upon being presented a book with transgender themes.

I learned the 'woman trapped in a Man's body' phrase, and 'sexual reassignment procedure' that involved years of therapy, that you had to prove you were not just 'kidding', or could not be 'cured'. Next were hormones and to live as the opposite sex for at least a year. Followed by a complex 'surgical origami' procedure on your genitals to reverse them.

Yes, I know, please don't correct me, There is more to it than that. I said this is what I was able to gleem from the poor pittance of information available in the 1960's, 1970's, the 1980's , 1990's...  

By the 2000's there was new information beginning to come out and I heard the term transgender for the first time. This was good, but the basic info was still firmly planted in mind. 'If you wanted to express gender other than what was expected, you had to completely change everything.

Fast forward to the relative present and I had come out as a ...Crossdresser?, part time female impersonator?...what? I had really just told everyone, save a few, was that 'I liked to play girl'. I knew I wanted to express my feminine inside, but I was not up for a complete change, I am fond of my naughty bits and am attracted only to women. 

After a couple of years going out to the local LGBT scene, mostly bars, I got tired of it and just stayed home. Finally I found a piece of info that provided a new unsuspected alternative. There is something between full on Gender A and Gender B. and there were people out there that looked like Gender B while still perfectly happy to keep the naughty bits of Gender A.

So I decided to start HRT, but that meant I would have to see a doctor. Would this be the beginning of the long, arduous procedure of me convincing a string of people that I was not crazy, broken (or fixable)? 

The appointment came, the doctor is there and I blurt out  'I'm transgender!' . He pauses, looks reflective, I'm thinking 'mandatory trips to the therapist', a begrudging 'maybe in a year or two'. But he just looks up and says 'I have several transgender patients. What do you want?' and proceeds to give me a run down on what he can do, what does what, and a lecture on the evils of estrogen pills, he only approves of estrogen patches, not pills. Next two of his assistants come in with a huge stack of sample estrogen patches, different doses. They instruct me on how he wants me to ramp up and ask if I have any questions, then send me on my way with a smile on their face, relief on mine. Easier than getting a flu shot.

So what is the point of this long drawn out rambling? Part of what has always held me back, was simple bad information. I was working on impressions from long ago. In my mind this, like most everything I had ever thought about my transgender feelings, were overblown.

The big reveal , a big nothing!

So I went out to one of the old haunts this weekend. This is where I met most of my Transgender friends, and have not seen many in more than a year.

My  best friend and often sidekick had initiated the visit and accompanied me, as usual. 

I had decided to let my old friends in on the fact that I am on HRT. I had already made this information open to my family and closest friends, but this was a more public announcement.

There is one friend who was close and have not seen for quite some time that would be there. I envisioned a nice long talk, catching up and giving her all the news with me. The place had a live band playing so it was hard to hold a conversation over the music. When she arrived I followed her outside to the smokers den where it was quieter. I'm not a smoker but it was fairly empty at the time so I just took a seat across the table, attempting to stay out of the smoke. She dropped a few bombs on me about legal troubles and would not elaborate, as was her prerogative. Then she blurts out " So, are you out? Are you a fag?" . This I found both shocking and insulting. I told her "No, absolutely not!", and said "I'm transitioning, but keeping my boy parts". But about that time she was approached by someone else who began talking to her without waiting to see if she was engaged in an existing conversation, so I could not further explain. Now yet another girl pulled up to the table next to me a lit up, this was now beyond my tolerance level for smoke, so I went back inside. BTW, thank you city council for making smoking indoors illegal!. My sidekick and I left for the evening.

So there is was , my big reveal to my friends, a big nothing. One sentence, bang it's over, move along, nothing to see here! 

It's easy in hindsight to see that things like this, that are so big and important in our own minds, are really just a footnote in the life of the rest of the world. That does not change the thing for us, and we should just be happy in the knowledge of who and what we are.

One of these things is not like the other..

LGBT 

There it is, those four letters that have been in all the Media so much lately. We all know what they mean, Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and transgender.  So which of these things is not really like the other?

Most will that tell you that Transgender is Gender orientation, NOT Sexual Orientation. 

Lesbian, Gay and Bi-Sexual are all Sexual orientation.

Who, when and why are we always grouped together? I'm not against anyone, it's just that these things are completely different and intersecting groups. A Transgender can be a Lesbian, Gay or bi-Sexual, but does not have to be. The reverse is also true, a Gay man does not have to be transgender.

So how did these labels come to be associated with each other this way?