Life came be full of mixed emotions.
At my point in life, it should be good, great really, and for me it is. Finance is secure, kids on track for good lives. I can finally be who and what I have always felt I was. I love, and am loved by my partner of 35 years. It could not be better.
I have incredibly friends, Trans and not. My pet perversion is now at the top of the national news. This is my fairy tale ending of mythical porpotions. (Sweet)
Sweet, indeed it is. But my mind, like most of ours, will work against me from time to time.
I went to Lowes today for some construction materials. Ahead of me in the checkout was a 30-something woman buying lumber. She had one of the most incredible bodies I have seen. Her hair was to die for, sun-streaked blonde just below the shoulder blades. As always, I desired not her, but to be her. But I knew, I know, that I will never look like that. I won't. Not without a lot of really serious surgery. She was way out of my league. (Sour)
If I was prone to despression, this would have set me in to a funk. Luckily I'm not. I thought of how tomorrow, I had a GNO with several of my very best friends. Of how much I would enjoy the night. How I knew I would be swept away in joy at being me amongst others who shared my feelings. How I would get ready for the evening, and how pleased I would be with how I looked, of who I was. I would be so happy just to be who I was and anything more would be just excessive.
Will I be that perfect body of the woman at Lowes? No.
Does that really matter? Hell no!
My life could not be more perfect, so why would I even consider comparing oranges to apples by judging myself against this woman ?
I did, but just for a moment. Then I can to my senses.