'You need an attitude adjustment, young man!' That's what my dad would say to me growing up.
At the time, I never really understood what he meant, now I do.
Fear of being exposed is something that every transgender experiences at some point. First we are scared of anybody finding out. we are afraid of what they will think of us. I think we don't yet know what to think of ourselves.
When I started going it was scary. I was still afraid of what people thought.
The first time I went through a fast food drive-through it was terrifying. First time to a store I almost turned around and left before entering.
But time passed, and so did my fear.
Today I went to the hospital for a X-ray. The admissions clerk looked at my paperwork, looked up at me and aid 'oh!' (All my legal docs are in my male name)
She was sweet and obviously a bit curious, so I offered to answer any questions. She was really happy and asked away.
Next I sat in the waiting room, waiting to be called in. Soon I see a technician, looking at her chart and scanning the waiting room. When I made eye contact, she mouthed my male name with a questioning look. I followed her and got the X-ray. She was pleasant and chatty.
Upon leaving the hospital, the admissions clerk, stood up and leaned out of her cubical and shouted 'Goodbye Jess!' , big smile on her face.
It's not these people that needed an attitude adjustment, I was me.
I the past, I would have been afraid of what they would think of me.
Now I view every encounter as just plain fun. I love the reactions I get and look forward to them.