Reality and ideal are almost never coordinated. I grew up wanting to be something that I could not be, so I became something else. "My brain went one way and my body went another..."
These days I tell people, causal acquaintances, sales people, etc. that I suffer from ‘testosterone poisoning’. I say this not only to subtly explain that I am trans, but to acknowledge that I know that my ribcage and shoulders are large, that my hands and feet are more suited to someone who lives at the top of a beanstalk than that of a delicate flower of a girl.
I was never really a big man, at 5’8” 195 lbs, I was pretty much in the middle range. But I was strong, more so than I appeared. Big feet, size 10.5 mens, and years of bicycle riding gave me formidable legs & balance. I never shied away from physical labor and had decent arm muscles.
Fast-forward to 2½ years into HRT and those muscles are still there, but not their former self. I can rock a off the shoulder dress, but my shoulders and arms still look like something fitting of a Dwarf warrior from Lord of the Rings.
I find that I get tired much easier than I’m used to. And that 12ft 6x6 post is a much bigger task to move than before.
I’m in that awkward stage. The hormones have robbed me of a lot of strength, and delivered only on the rudimental essence of womanhood. I’m not where I was, nor where I want to be. I knew this was coming, so shed no tears for my situation. Its part of the journey.
The thing is that transitioning is very much tied to the whole binary gender attitude of society. You can not yet, in this society, gradually transition from male to female. Society demands that you present as Male or female if you wish to be accepted. So you have to pick a day and declared “I’m trans, and will from now on be Female (in my case or Male in others). But your body does not understand this social construct. It changes naturally, gradually, on a spectrum. It does not recognize any particular day as the transition point.
"My brain went one way and my body went another, and there is no instant way to make then in sync."
I know this, and I will be patient, which is probably the best advice I could give to any transgender individual. Be patient, it takes time. You will have to travel in between before you can finally truly be yourself.