Does this silver lining have a dark cloud?

Once again my subject is the current media attention to all things transgender  . A great thing, right? I really do think so, but everything has it's consequences. 

A little about me for those who don't know me personally. I've been out for several years and am constantly refining my look. So, nothing different than anyone else. I don't pass as CIS to anyone who gives me more than a causal look, and I'm not trying to. But in the past I have been able to slip through most situations without giving anyone reason to look twice.  

Izza and I were having our regular afternoon coffee the other day when I spotted a good friend of ours in line to get coffee. He was with some work colleagues so I just gave a small wave, not wanting to tip off his co-workers that he knew us. In just a few minute he was at our table receiving hugs and happily chatting with us. After giving us well deserved grief for our lack of communication with him over the last few months, he leans down and asks me if I want to hear something funny? Of course I do and say so.

" See that guy?" He asks, pointing to one of his co-workers, " he told me 'I think that blond over there is a guy' , he(our friend) replied 'yes, she is, and she's a friend of mine!'" 

This impressed and pleased Izza and me to no end, he chose our friendship over possible scorn from a co-worker. Amazing! 

Later that week, at my family's regular Sushi place, I got some really inquisitive looks from a few people dining there. I started think about these and a few other recent situations. I was not being treated badly, but more people were starting to give me that all important telltale second look. 

I asked my wife if I was slipping in my presentation, but she said she thought I was better than ever. She's sweet. Then she suggested that it was because more people were aware of transgendered people (yes, I use the term 'transgendered'). 

The brain is a funny thing, it fills in the gap on so many things in our lives. There was a post on Facebook with a paragraph that had all the words scrambled, except for the first and last letters. I, like most, found it easy to read. My brain subconsciously arranged the letters to something it recognized. Another example is an audio clip I heard on a podcast. It was scrambled and made no sense. Then it was played correctly and I heard the words. Next it was played scrambled again, this time I heard the words exactly. My brain matched what it now knew.

I think I'm seeing this effect on the general public. When they were practically ignorant about transgender people, they saw long hair, high heels, and an ambiguous shape and face so their brain just filled in the rest with woman. 

Now their brains have been made aware of us, it tells them to look again so it can determine if we are CIS female, or trans female. 

We are publicly everywhere now, on TV, in the movies, in politics, even on the white house staff. It's great to have our day in the sun, but beware the consequences!

 

Interesting developments

Just a quick post. 

i have started to notice that my boy clothes don't fit me as well as my girl clothes. They don't seem to be cut right anymore. Results of HRT, I'm sure. 

it's a small thing, but then it's the small things that make the world go 'round. 

Adjectives, Verbs & Nouns, Oh My!

I've been watch the first crop of transgender themed reality shows, 'I am Cait', 'I am Jazz", 'New Girls'. 

I have had high hopes for them, and while I'm about to express some criticism, I really believe  they are doing wonderful things for the cause. But on to my issue. There is a reoccurring concept in every one of these shows. At some point, some side character will use the term 'transgendered'. The reaction is always the same, shock and horror! 

They then carefully explain that there is no such word as transgendered, and using it is an insult. I started seeing this idea pop up in transgender articles on the web around e time of Caitlin's big reveal, but I'm sure it's roots are far older. 

At first I thought, oh no! I have used that term in some of my blogs. I even started editing past posts to rewrite around the offending term. 

Then it struck me that this term did not offend me, and I'm pretty sure I qualify as trans, at least that is what my pharmacists believes. Really, don't we have enough to worry about without becoming grammar police? 

The English language is a fluid thing, constantly evolving. Using transgender as an adjective is not a crime, it's our natural tendency to simplify communication. Once we know transgender as a noun, it's much simpler to use it descriptively when referring to someone. Think about it, you can use one word and adequately provide a host of information. Other wise, referring to a group of transgender men, women, boys, or girls, can take a whole lot of words!

 When was the last time you heard an exchange like this: 

' Hey, I just googled xyz, and did you know...' 

'Wow, never say that! It's offensive! You should say 'I just used google.com to do a web search for xyz.' 

This applies to 'zeroxed' , 'Kleenex' and dozens of other words that started as nouns that are now accepted as adjectives, verbs and even adverbs! 

We want acceptance so I think it's time we gave our acceptance to language transitions.

Please feel free to call me transgendered, it makes me proud. 

 

Bad impressions

I just watched the latest 'I am Cait'. While I appreciate the attention Caitlyn Jenner has brought to the trans cause, I see a problem arising. 

There is a lot of emphasis on poor, unemployed and homeless transgender people. The show focuses on Cait's republican views about welfare. Much is made of her 'privlages'. 

 The problem I see is the lack of perspective. While they try to show that Cait is learning about trans people, it's really giving the general public the opinion that being trans means being a burden on society. People are going to come away from this thinking that Cait is the exception and that the majority of trans people are poor, unemployeeable wretches of society. 

This could not be further from the truth. Of course a percentage of us fit that description, but I do not believe that is any greater a percentage than the general population. 

This is a bad case of antidotal pseudo-science. 

One more short one

Blogs are suppose to be a glimpse into your life for all to see. I usually try to capture a thought or emotion and articulate it as best as I can. 

Here is a real, simple glimpse into my daily life: 

My insurance provides prescriptions by U.S. Mail on a three month basis.  

Today my second 3 month supply of estrogen patches arrived. 

Extreme happy face! 

Real quickie

My youngest daughter has started sending me links to stories she finds of people expressing simular feelings to mind. Mostly gender fuid. But there are some truly heart warming stories of children expressing their transgender feelings and how their parents deal with it. 

i commented to my wife that this was just the same as it was when I was young..... 

They beat their kids, then took them to dumb-ass psychiatrists who told them to straighten out and be 'normal' ! ( note: chances of heavy sarcasium 100%) 

How happy I am for the youth of today. Let's how no one tries to reverse this progress in the name of god, or any other fear.

Sweet & Sour

Life came be full of mixed emotions.

At my point in life, it should be good, great really, and for me it is. Finance is secure, kids on track for good lives. I can finally be who and what I have always felt I was.  I love, and am loved by my partner of 35 years. It could not be better.

I have incredibly friends, Trans and not. My pet perversion is now at the top of the national news. This is my fairy tale ending of mythical porpotions.  (Sweet)

Sweet, indeed it is. But my mind, like most of ours, will work against me from time to time.

I went to Lowes today for some construction materials. Ahead of me in the checkout was a 30-something woman buying lumber. She had one of the most incredible bodies I have seen. Her hair was to die for, sun-streaked blonde just below the shoulder blades. As always, I desired not her, but to be her. But I knew, I know, that I will never look like that. I won't. Not without a lot of really serious surgery. She was way out of my league.  (Sour)

If I was prone to despression, this would have set me in to a funk. Luckily I'm not. I thought of how tomorrow, I had a GNO with several of my very best friends. Of how much I would enjoy the night. How I knew I would be swept away in joy at being me amongst others who shared my feelings. How I would get ready for the evening, and how pleased I would be with how I looked, of who I was. I would be so happy just to be who I was and anything more would be just excessive.

Will I  be that perfect body of the woman at Lowes? No. 

Does that really matter? Hell no! 

My life could not be more perfect, so why would I even consider comparing oranges to apples by judging myself against this woman ? 

 I did, but just for a moment. Then I can to my senses.  

 

 

I am different

" I am different "  Seems like like a perfectly reasonable statement. Caitlyn Jenner said as much last night accepting an award for courage. We all are different and you don't need a PHD to justify that.

 But his sticks me as one of those little lies we tell ourselves. I watched a Frontline show on PBS last week called ' growing up Trans'. It featured several teen and preteen transgender kids and their parents. The focus was how society's attitude toward transgender children had changed.  

 The focus of this documenary was how these children expressed that they were not the gender they felt, and how they were on the path to correct that issue. But overwelling they expressed how much they just wanted to fit in, to be 'normal'. Even after transitioning. One 13 year old Trans girl with a group of new friends, expressed discomfort when her friends, all early teen CIS girls, spoke of having children. This made her uncomfortable because she knew she would never give birth.

 Later,  a transitioned man of college age opines that 'How could I feel like a man at  10, when I just now know how a man feels?'

All the Trans people spotlighted expressed, at some point how they wanted to just fit in, to feel 'normal' like everyone else. 

What we really want is not to be different. We want to be just like everyone else, everyone we relate to. 

T he subject of this documentary, and it's producers need to understand that trying to feel 'normal' is never going to work. 

I am different

We are different

These words mean way more than we think. 

i am not a CIS man, nor am I a CIS woman. I am Trans, and that is different.  

I will never be a CIS woman, and can only pretend to be a CIS man. 

So I have to embrace who, and what I am,..

and I do. 

I am different.