“I love your mom!”
For a minute I’m confused because my mom isn’t here. Then I realize they are talking about my dad. My lovely female dad. Immediately I feel a weird guilt. I don’t want to correct them but at the same time she is not my mom, she is my dad. Still, it’s almost politically incorrect to call her Dad.
My dad is my dad; she is a great dad. She gave the male part of my birth process (not to get too graphic). That is what the word dad means. Its not gender, just a biological fact.
In conversation I also introduce my dad as “She is my dad”, or I talk about her as “My dad does (fill in the blank), I’m proud of her”. People react but honestly at this point I barely notice, its just a fact of my life.
I’m not going to lie, saying “my dad” is a she does make me super happy. I love bringing a new perspective into peoples lives. Its like giving someone a present - the present of knowing someone close to them is a transgender person. That has some power in it. I believe knowing different types of people makes them more real and makes hate harder.
On a bigger scale, keeping gender apart from sex is what Transgender people are trying to get across. Gender is a spectrum and my dad’s is female. A female who loves a female, my mom. a female that fathered two daughters. I think by calling my dad Dad I keep it real.
More than that I force people to at least have that moment of disconnect. It’s like the riddle:
A father and his son are in a car accident. The father dies instantly, and the son is taken to the nearest hospital. The doctor comes in and exclaims "I can't operate on this boy.”
"Why not?" the nurse asks.
The Doctor responds, ”Because he's my son.”
How is this possible?
The answer: The doctor is the child’s mom. That riddle works less and less every day, because woman are more commonly doctors.
I hope my saying my dad is female won’t be a riddle someday soon.