Election 2017, What now?

We did great, 7 Transgender candidates elected to various offices. 

Danica Roem, Virginia (Virginia House of Delegates) , Gerri Cannon, New Hampshire (Somersworth School Board), Andrea Jenkins, Minnesota (Minneapolis City Council),

Stephe Koontz, Georgia (Doraville City Council), Phillipe Cunningham, Minnesota (Minneapolis City Council), Lisa Middleton, California (Palm Springs City Council), Tyler Titus, Pennsylvania (Erie School Board)

Steve Bannon - Britebart propagandist and Anti-LGBT perveyour. 

But we can not stop here and think we are done, we are not. We have now come to the attention of political forces that want us gone. 2018 will be a much harder battle.

When I came out publicly I was contacted by a small, scrappy organization dedicated to creating political power for Trans people and people with trans friendly positions. 

That group is the TransUnited Fund. They asked me to join them and I did. In theses last 10 months I have watched the superhuman efforts of a very few individuals make amazing differences in our political landscape. They fought the hate group ADF and won 3 school board seats in Illinois last May.
Through their BREAKTHROUGH Fund they threw everything they had supporting Andrea Jenkins, Philippe Cunningham, Kristen Bowden and Danica Roem. They also threw support to a dozen others.

They had a 75% success rate on the 4 primary candidates and had a positive effect on the others.
Net Result: 7 newly elected openly Transgender officials in the US.

My role is small, just advice really. The hard work is being done by a very few people who somehow manage to put out the work of dozens.

But nothing is free. These people have to eat, campaigns cost money, lots of money. They have beaten $millions of dollars of campaign money provided by the big hate groups campaigning against their candidate with a few $thousand, that is how good they are. But they have to have those dollars.

If you felt a sense of pride, joy or hopefulness by the November 2017 election results, and you want that again in 2018, Donate.

I know I'm asking for your hard earned dollars, I know you struggle to get by. But what would you pay to make sure your job is safe, or your home? LGBTQ people can be fired or evicted in most of the US just for being LGBTQ. The only way to fix this is to get the right people in office, and the only way to do that is to have a strong group supporting the right candidates. Trans United Fund(and its BreakThrough Fund) has proven itself to be that group.
Give, please.

Jess Herbst, board member, Trans United Fund (c4)

Donate – BreakThrough Fund

Mistaken Identity

Growing up trans, I dreamed of transformation. I imagined all sorts of ways that I could instantly become female. Like a caterpillar emerging from it’s cocoon, I would be a new and different person.

These feelings are shared by many transgender people, and they are flawed.

I know transgender women, who long to transition, but expect to become this new and different person. Many are held back by the mistaken belief that they must become a completely new person.

 Friends and family of transgender people go through a mourning for their lost loved ones. They believe the man or woman they knew is gone, replaced by a gender opposite new person.

 My wife went through this process, mourning the loss of ‘Jeff’. Then one night she said ‘ You have not changed, not really’.  I smiled and said ‘I’m still me’.

Transitioning does not mean you become someone else, you can't. Your mind, you concisness, your thoughts, hopes & desires are still the same. If you loved hot dogs, batman and bicycles, you still will. You can not, and should not try to, escape who you are.  

Transitioning just means showing the world who you are, and always have been, on the inside.

My Birthday

 I threw a cocktail party to celebrate my birthday this last weekend. (Really it was Debbie, Alexandria & Andrew that did all the work).

I had around 70 people. Family, Friends, Town government, work colleagues, Debbie's work colleagues, Alexandria's friends, and of course my transgender friends. There were  CIS, Trans, straight & gay.

There were people of all colors, some from as far as Senegal, and as close as down the street. It mattered not. 

Most people had nothing common besides knowing me, but they got along like old friends.  It was an amazingly diverse group, and everyone had fun.

 People who had never met a transgender person before were engaging them in conversation. People who never spoke to a politician before were exchanging jokes with them. 

  This is what the future of our country should look like. 

The world is a better place than many believe.

And then there were two..

You will find a new addition to this site. 'Alexandria Speaks'.

Alexandria Hull is the older of my two daughters. She recently took on the job of my personal assistant , so she attends events and travel with me. and she has decided to write some of her observations and experiences. 

Not just about me, but about her two dogs, husband, political advocacy the LGBTQIA community.

I think you will find her voice quite different than mine and I think you will like it.

InBetween

Reality and ideal are almost never coordinated. I grew up wanting to be something that I could not be, so I became something else. "My brain went one way and my body went another..."

These days I tell people, causal acquaintances, sales people, etc. that I suffer from ‘testosterone poisoning’. I say this not only to subtly explain that I am trans, but to acknowledge that I know that my ribcage and shoulders are large, that my hands and feet are more suited to someone who lives at the top of a beanstalk than that of a delicate flower of a girl. 

 I was never really a big man, at 5’8” 195 lbs, I was pretty much in the middle range. But I was strong, more so than I appeared. Big feet, size 10.5 mens, and years of bicycle riding gave me formidable legs & balance. I never shied away from physical labor and had decent arm muscles.

 Fast-forward to 2½ years into HRT and those muscles are still there, but not their former self. I can rock a off the shoulder dress, but my shoulders and arms still look like something fitting of a Dwarf warrior from Lord of the Rings.

 I find that I get tired much easier than I’m used to. And that 12ft 6x6 post is a much bigger task to move than before.

 I’m in that awkward stage. The hormones have robbed me of a lot of strength, and delivered only on the rudimental essence of womanhood. I’m not where I was, nor where I want to be. I knew this was coming, so shed no tears for my situation. Its part of the journey.

 The thing is that transitioning is very much tied to the whole binary gender attitude of society. You can not yet, in this society, gradually transition from male to female. Society demands that you present as Male or female if you wish to be accepted. So you have to pick a day and declared “I’m trans, and will from now on be Female (in my case or Male in others). But your body does not understand this social construct. It changes naturally, gradually, on a spectrum. It does not recognize any particular day as the transition point. 

 "My brain went one way and my body went another, and there is no instant way to make then in sync." 

 I know this, and I will be patient, which is probably the best advice I could give to any transgender individual. Be patient, it takes time. You will have to travel in between before you can finally truly be yourself.

Confession

Forgive me father for I haven’t blogged. It has been 92 days since my last post. (That is your cue, internet audience, to suggest my penance.)

I am suppose to be logging my experiences as a transitioning trans woman here for the world to see. You would be well within reason to think that nothing has been going on, based on my latest reports. Fortunately that is not the case.

My last blog dealt with my official name change and I am happy to report It went very smoothly. Say hello to the official ‘Jess Helene Herbst’. The judge did not bat an eye when he granted my request and I got a couple of ‘Congratulations’ from people in the court.

 So now I have a new Social Security card, Drivers license and Passport. I’ve updated my bank, medical and insurance records. There are a few more records to update, but for all practical purposes, Jeff is history.

 It’s been 8 months since I came out to my town, and inadvertently the world. I am called ma’am when I'm out and when I’m with my wife, they say ‘ladies’. It feels weird to have wait staff always ask if we want the dinner bill on separate checks or one. I was used to the assumption that we would always be paying together.

 We struggled for a while on how to identity each other. My Wife did not like ‘Spouse’ or ‘Partner’, she found them a little too impersonal, having been together 37 years. She surprised me one day by casually introducing me as her ‘wife’. I really like it and I think it shows how far she has come with her acceptance, not of me, but of how our relationship appears to others and her role in it.

 I have gotten used to most of this, but sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not just dreaming. 50+ years of keeping my identity a secret make it hard to get used to letting it all out there for the world to see.

 I joined with hundreds of other LGBTQIA in Texas and took up the battle against the states attempt to create discriminatory bathroom laws. It was a struggle that involved many trips to the state capital in Austin. Testifying three times before state senate & house committee hearings, protests marches and rallies. I was privileged to be included in one of the most amazing alliance of rights organizations ever - One Texas Resists. 36+ major diverse groups along with dozens of grassroots organizations. We won, for now.

 It’s time to plan strategies to replace the legislators in Texas that believe discrimination is acceptable with those who know it is not. 

 And finally it is time to look at my own political future. I have a Mayoral election in the spring if I wish to keep my seat, and I do. Beyond that, the 2020 elections are coming and I think it’s time for new blood in US congress. Maybe someone with local governmental experience…

A Rose by any other name…

I have been traveling a lot lately. That means staying in hotels, a task I am well acquainted with. These days it has been a source of anguish. Why?

When I check into a hotel I am met with the standard ‘Credit card and ID’ request. I slip these two from my purse and present them. The clerk looks them over and then it happens. My smiling face is right there on my TDL along with the name ‘Jeffery Paul Herbst’. This usually causes a slight double take. Look at picture, look at me. Long blond hair, check. Blue eyes, check. Same smile, check. But of course the name and the person standing there simply don’t check. I don’t look like a ‘Jeffrey Paul’.

This has led me to pursue a legal name change, something simple in concept, but with a tedious list of steps to complete.

The obvious first, and often underestimated step is what do you change it to? When I first decided to explore my feminine side, I thought long and hard about what I was to be called. The name Jess was chosen for its simplicity and the similarity to the name everyone already knew me by. I had been called Jeff for as long as I can remember, but my name was Jeffrey. 

I believed that I would need a longer more formal form of Jess for my official name. I knew too many Jessica’s so it was out. A google search led me to Jesilyn and its various spellings. OK, I could live with that. But it was not popular with my wife or kids.

Back to the search and I found Jessa and liked it, my kids liked it and even my wife signed off on it. So now what to do with the middle name ‘Paul’? This has been the least used name I have had the pleasure of owning. Over the years I’ve often been called ‘Jeff’ or by my last name, or nicknames bestowed on me by my friends - Herby, Doctor and Mr. Wizard are a few that come to mind. No one has ever called me Paul.

I went to my family history for this task and after a few stumbles settled on Helene, my fathers sister who died in childhood. I remember him speaking of her fondly and just liked the name.

Next step was filling out the paperwork and filing it at the courthouse. This is when my wife stepped back in to the debate asking if it made any sense to have a name that would rarely be used, and only had a single letter difference from the nickname. I had to overcome the notion that my first name must to be a longer formal version of my everyday name. I was reminded that my own daughter’s name is Lauren, no long version, no nickname version, just Lauren. A little thought brings dozens of examples to mind. She was right and Jessa became just Jess.

The form is filed, and fingerprints have been sent to Austin for a background check, a requirement in Texas. So now I just wait for clearance from the DPS and get an appointment before a judge.

 When they asks the reason for a name change, I think they will do the same double take and have their answer!

The Importance of being Earnest

I have mentioned many times how lucky I am to have the love and support of my wife and kids. This has been a subject of fascination with many of the journalists I have worked with.

In the transgender community it is something of the exception to the rule. It’s not completely unheard of, but is certainly not what many consider the ‘norm’.

 All too often the decision to transition must include consideration of losing ones spouse, children and family. Friends and employment are party to these concerns as well.

 The frequency I read of other transgender people agonizing the loss of their whole world is disturbing. The decisions of who leaves, who will the kids stay with? Will the kids even want to see with the transgender parent? It is little wonder that the vast majority of trans identifying people never transition.

 I am aquatinted with a reasonably large number of trans people. I attend dinners, concerts, Christmas parties and many other social events. The topic of spouses and kids comes up inevitably. Many are out to their spouse but not to their kids. Many are out to no one in their personal life and maintain a completely separate existence to fulfill their transgender inner workings.

 I have met trans women that rent storage facilities just to keep their feminine stash secret from their family. Many make up elaborate stories to explain where they will be when they allow themselves to express themselves. They are terrified of the consequences of being discovered.  

This behavior, while seeming a necessity leads to an ever increasing problem. It is deceit, a lie, and as time goes on, it gets bigger and bigger.

 I was very fortunate to find an understanding spouse from the very beginning. We discussed my feelings before we decided to marry. This was before I knew the word transgender, or understood that I was not alone in feeling this way.

 I read a post from a friend recently saying that when she interviewed for a job, she talked about her activity in LGBT advocacy. This eventually paved the way for her acceptance at work. My own experience was that being honest with the people I work with has been met with acceptance and appreciation.

 This is the biggest factor in my success. When I decided to transition, there was no big secret to reveal to my family. And more importantly, no big lie to justify. 

 Imagine the trans woman, I'm her 50’s, as I was, broaching this subject with their spouse of 30+ years. The fact that she is trans is going to be hard enough for the spouse to get over, but she also has to own up to the fact that she has been lying all these years. The lying becomes the bigger factor. No matter how many assurances she gives that she has come clean, the knowledge of years of deceit has poisoned the well.

 Of course it is not as simple as I make it sound, but nothing in life worth having is ever simple.

 If you are trans, and you have a spouse, you owe it to them to tell the truth. It won’t get better if you don’t, but it may if you do.